


Wearing O' The Green

by Ladytalon



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-08
Updated: 2010-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:06:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayne isn't as stupid as most people think...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wearing O' The Green

  


  


  
  
  
**Title:** Wearing O' The Green  
**Author:** [](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/profile)[**ladytalon1**](http://ladytalon1.livejournal.com/)  
**Characters:** Wash, crew  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not making any $$  
**A/N:** Written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/fireflyholidays/profile)[**fireflyholidays**](http://community.livejournal.com/fireflyholidays/)  
**Summary:** Jayne isn't as stupid as most people think...

  


________________________________________

______

  
It was the stupidest bet he'd ever made and since he'd made some real doozies in his lifetime, that was saying something. Wash rued the day they'd thought up the idea, and seriously contemplated suicide – after all, it was a more attractive prospect than waiting for Zoë to murder him in his sleep… but he supposed his honor was at stake, so he decided that he'd better go through with it and hope his funeral was a nice one. He ran his fingers through his short hair as he tried to decide which pieces of music he should request be played; it had started out innocent enough, but that was before Jayne had caught wind of the lighthearted suggestion Shepherd Book had made concerning St. Patrick's Day and the traditions surrounding the holiday. He really should have known better to include Jayne in the conversation in the first place – the man's mere presence was enough to curdle holy water. But he'd been drinking and so had Mal, so they'd agreed. Wash found out later that Jayne had simply bullied Simon into participating. He sighed as he thought back on the exact terms of the bet.

_ "Seein' as it's St. Whatsits Day next week, we should celebrate it," Jayne suggested. "I say that us menfolk make it a fun day for the girls – they'd love it!" He grinned and leaned in close. "Here's what we do… each of us has ta go after one of 'em if'n they ain't wearin' green."_

Mal blinked and set down his glass. "How's that meant to be fun, again? Inara don't like me makin' a fuss."

"No, see? You gotta go after a girl that ain't yours. Y'know, you gotta pinch her if'n she ain't got nothin' green on. An' if'n she does…" Jayne snickered. "You gotta give her a kiss."

Wash sat up straighter in his chair, grabbing the edge of the table for balance. "Wait, wait, **wait** a minute here… no one's kissing Zoë but me," he protested.

"Then just make sure she don't wanna wear some green all of a sudden. Look, if'n you decide to back out, I'll just take your part up an' do it."

"This is ridiculous, I ain't doin' this," Mal announced.

Jayne sighed. "You ain't no fun, Cap'n…I'm beginnin' ta see what 'Nara was talkin' about, tell you the truth."

Alarm registered on Mal's face and he sat up quickly. "What? She said somethin' about me not bein' fun?"

  
It had all gone downhill from there, and assignments had been given out – Wash was to go after River, Mal had to corner Kaylee, Simon was assigned to Inara, and Jayne had rather excitedly said that he was going to hunt down Zoë. Personally, Wash felt as if the mercenary was playing with rather wild and dangerous fire but if Jayne felt as if he wanted to risk it, more power to him. He wouldn't be surprised to see Jayne drawing back a bloody stump, but it had been the man's own idea. The thing was, his beloved wife knew something was afoot…perhaps he'd better let her in on the secret; she had guns and knew how to use them. But what if she used them on him the instant he told her? He liked breathing and would like to do so for as long as it was possible.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Wash sat up in time to see Zoë pulling on a shirt that was a rather subdued shade of… green? "Whoa, now, Lambie Toes… maybe you'd better put on a different shirt just for today."

His wife turned to him and blinked, her face revealing nothing. "I feel like wearing this one today."

_ _ _ _ _

  
"Hey, now – I think you wanna be wearin' a different color than that…doesn't particularly go with your hair," Mal said lamely as Inara tied her hair back with a pale green ribbon.

"But I like this ribbon. You've never said anything before about it before."

  


_ _ _ _ _ _

Simon's eyes grew huge as he took in the huge poncho his sister was wearing. "_Mei mei_, no. You can't wear that. Not today, not ever." It was almost as big as she was, and was a lurid shade of green. And was that….green glitter all over her hair? "Where did you get such a thing, anyway?"

River beamed down at the monstrosity. "It's from Kaylee – I think it's pretty!" She smiled again, then looked up at him seriously. "It's the color of kisses."

  


_ _ _ _ _ _

  
Jayne leaned back against the pillows and put his arms behind his head as he watched Kaylee strut around their bunk in nothing but a pair of bitty little green panties. "You sure do look _meili _as hell in green, _bao bei. _"

What could he say? They had lace on them.

  


_ _ _ _ _ _

Serenity's men held a hurried conference in the infirmary as soon as they had seen that all the women were blatantly displaying items of a greenish nature. "What'll we _do_? I ain't kissin' Kaylee," Mal protested.

"It's like they all knew what would happen," Simon said, looking a bit green himself. "I… I don't think I can do it."

Wash sighed. "Well, that's a load off my mind – because I don't think I can just go up to River and give her a kiss, either."

"So none of y'all are gonna do it? Knew you was a buncha ruttin' pansies," Jayne grumbled. "Well, guess there's always next year."

Mal began to pace, hands on hips. "We've still got to figure out what to do about al this – they're bound to be mad at us just for makin' that bet like we did."

"How'd they all find out about it? That's what I'd like to know," Wash exclaimed.

Simon tentatively raised a hand to draw their attention. "I think that perhaps River might have been behind it. She said something about kissing this morning…"

The captain waved his explanation away. "She might've, but I'm thinkin' that we have a spy in our midst that told 'em that-" He stopped suddenly and looked around. "Wait just a second…where's Jayne?"

Realization hit Wash scant seconds later. "He never _did _say that he wasn't going to follow through on the terms…" As one, the three men turned to the door and raced up the steps, hoping they weren't too late as the sound of multiple giggles issued from the galley.

  


~*~END~*~  
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